Priorities

So I see it's been two months since I've posted. I tend to stop doing a lot of things during the first few time-intensive months of school.

This year I resolved again to follow healthy priorities and adopt the Mary Kay motto: "God first, family second, career third," and I think I'm getting better at reaching this goal.

I'm attending an incredible Bible study unlike any previous Bible studies, which has given me a new perspective when reading Scripture. I crave historical background, which is exactly what this study provides. Beautiful strong, caring, and inspiring women learn alongside me (19 last week!).

Spending time with my sister, brother-in-law, and baby niece during these precious months we have before their move to N. Carolina is one of my highlights. Though my heart breaks for Holly as she's separated from Sammi, I'm thrilled that I've gotten to see Holly more frequently than in the past and get to know Sammi and Tyler better. Knowing how quickly Sammi grows, I treasure my time squeezing her cheeks and hearing her petite, baby sigh. We've got 2 more weeks before they move....

I'm also being more intentional about my marriage. Every day I swear I fall in love with Lee even more. Maybe there's something special about the third year of marriage, because I thought I loved him to full capacity before, but now I'm overflowing. I think some of that has to do with praying together and appreciating each other. We've also worked on pursuing truth rather than avoiding conflict, and the result is acceptance and more authentic interaction. Something is different now, in a way I can't exactly describe. It's odd to say that when I never thought we were missing anything before, but this new depth is incredible.

Finally, I try to hang out with just myself a little bit every day. Right now I'm sitting here with a Citron and Ginseng warming mask on my face. Mmmmmmmm. Relaxing music is now part of my music library, and I've even been known to participate in that "breathe in, breathe out" relaxation from time to time. I make more frequent visits to my friends, the masseuse and the pedicurist (word?) which I believe help to reduce the frequency of my migraines.

These days, I'm working on a new goal; to let down my guard when I'm around others. I think I initially became weary of new relationships after Amy died and judgemental about what is/isn't interesting at the expense of pursuing honest relationships with others. There's also a part of me that believes one shouldn't be a whiner, which leads me to hold back when people ask how I am. It's not really fun to hear about headaches or job stresses (or at least I decide people don't want to hear about that), so I tend to downplay those things even if they're my most pressing concern. I remember accompanying a friend to the store on a night when I was slightly feverish and just out of sorts. At the end of the night I apologized for not being very funny, to which my friend told me I didn't have to be funny all the time, and that she loved me anyway. That was such an awakening, and it really got me thinking about the pressure I place on myself to be an entertainer or say something interesting. I want to just "be" with friends the way I can just "be" with Lee, my family, and myself. I'll get there...

As I work on accepting myself and being grateful in every circumstance, I'd like to share some song lyrics written by a beautiful friend of mine, Heather Richardson.

You didn't change my circumstance
You changed me from the inside