Priorities

So I see it's been two months since I've posted. I tend to stop doing a lot of things during the first few time-intensive months of school.

This year I resolved again to follow healthy priorities and adopt the Mary Kay motto: "God first, family second, career third," and I think I'm getting better at reaching this goal.

I'm attending an incredible Bible study unlike any previous Bible studies, which has given me a new perspective when reading Scripture. I crave historical background, which is exactly what this study provides. Beautiful strong, caring, and inspiring women learn alongside me (19 last week!).

Spending time with my sister, brother-in-law, and baby niece during these precious months we have before their move to N. Carolina is one of my highlights. Though my heart breaks for Holly as she's separated from Sammi, I'm thrilled that I've gotten to see Holly more frequently than in the past and get to know Sammi and Tyler better. Knowing how quickly Sammi grows, I treasure my time squeezing her cheeks and hearing her petite, baby sigh. We've got 2 more weeks before they move....

I'm also being more intentional about my marriage. Every day I swear I fall in love with Lee even more. Maybe there's something special about the third year of marriage, because I thought I loved him to full capacity before, but now I'm overflowing. I think some of that has to do with praying together and appreciating each other. We've also worked on pursuing truth rather than avoiding conflict, and the result is acceptance and more authentic interaction. Something is different now, in a way I can't exactly describe. It's odd to say that when I never thought we were missing anything before, but this new depth is incredible.

Finally, I try to hang out with just myself a little bit every day. Right now I'm sitting here with a Citron and Ginseng warming mask on my face. Mmmmmmmm. Relaxing music is now part of my music library, and I've even been known to participate in that "breathe in, breathe out" relaxation from time to time. I make more frequent visits to my friends, the masseuse and the pedicurist (word?) which I believe help to reduce the frequency of my migraines.

These days, I'm working on a new goal; to let down my guard when I'm around others. I think I initially became weary of new relationships after Amy died and judgemental about what is/isn't interesting at the expense of pursuing honest relationships with others. There's also a part of me that believes one shouldn't be a whiner, which leads me to hold back when people ask how I am. It's not really fun to hear about headaches or job stresses (or at least I decide people don't want to hear about that), so I tend to downplay those things even if they're my most pressing concern. I remember accompanying a friend to the store on a night when I was slightly feverish and just out of sorts. At the end of the night I apologized for not being very funny, to which my friend told me I didn't have to be funny all the time, and that she loved me anyway. That was such an awakening, and it really got me thinking about the pressure I place on myself to be an entertainer or say something interesting. I want to just "be" with friends the way I can just "be" with Lee, my family, and myself. I'll get there...

As I work on accepting myself and being grateful in every circumstance, I'd like to share some song lyrics written by a beautiful friend of mine, Heather Richardson.

You didn't change my circumstance
You changed me from the inside

I've got no reason to stay here

These lyrics struck me in a particular way as I try to leave poor habits and attitudes behind and replace them with healthy, loving ones. They reminded me of how deceptive habits and attitudes can be; comforting in such an empty way. Here's to a fresh start.
Dear Love, I'll miss you much

I'll miss your smile, and I'll miss your touch

But I've found a place where I can erase my past

Maybe someday when you're old and gray

And your hair falls out and your tattoos fade

You might see me standing hand in hand

I have to go away

I've got no reason to stay here

You said someday you'll change

But even a fool will tell you

Someday never comes

-Brandi Carlile

(metaphor)

Brave vs. Cowardly; Selfless vs. Self-seeking

I'm sickened by the Greyhound decapitation, but more disturbed by the elapsed time before fellow passengers came to the aid of the victim. What if it were me? What if it were you? Wouldn't you want several passengers to join together in your defense? Regardless of their ability, they could throw purses, cell phones, anything they have to startle the attacker before charging together. Of course, there is a high risk someone else would receive stabbing wounds, but how many of us would want our fellow passengers to organize and execute an evacuation before coming back onto the bus? Don't we all want others to be willing to risk injury so that we might not be killed?
Sometimes people wait a split seconds too long to see if someone else will step up, and in this case, one person on the bus instructed everyone to get off. What would have happened if that person had yelled, "Help! Fight him!" Likely the women and children would have exited the bus once awakening and realizing danger.
I've read other blog posts this morning and do concede that none of us know what we'd do unless we were in that specific situation. Given that, there will be many unique situations to come, and I'd like to have far more confidence in mankind that even if we do not know each other, we will come to each other's aid. I believe we must demonstrate an increased level of respect for all human life, both by not killing each other and by rendering aid, even in risky situations.

lyrics by Patty Griffin

Sometimes I lay down
No more can I do
But then I go on again
Because you ask me to

Some days I look down
Afraid I will fall
And though the sun shines
I see nothing at all
Then I hear your sweet voice, oh
Oh, come and then go, come and then go
Telling me softly
You love me so

"It's Botox for You, Dear Bridesmaid" -from the NYT

I'm simply aghast at this article from the NYT.  Is this really the direction in which brides are heading?  I cannot imagine telling my mother-in-law that she'd look better in the wedding pics with a little Botox!  One bride requested that her bridesmaids have breast implants (there was a 4 for the price of 2 discount, after all!), while another insisted her bridesmaids fake bake to the same shade.  Why don't these brides hire models?  Isn't that what they're really after?

Chillax

It's time to stop and lay down for a bit, like Buddha, my new sister-in-law's brother's dog.

Life lately has been spectacularly busy and mostly wonderful. Lee & I took a vacation of pure relaxation on the white sand beaches of Vieques, Puerto Rico. (If I have the time, I'll devote an entry to that later.) Once home I returned to all things bridesmaid and rehearsal-dinner related for my brother's wedding, which was Saturday. The rush up to it was so hurried, at least for me, that I can hardly believe it's over! At least things are not completely back to normal; we still have some relatives in town. Holly, Tyler, and baby Sammi are also in town. (hello, baby fat!!!)

Even though it seems like I should have all this free time on my hands, what with not working during the summer and all, I seem to be busy, busy, busy this summer, even this week. My strategy with doctor's appointments is to cram all my check-ups, etc into the summer so I don't have to take as much time off during the school year. I've been more proactive about that this summer, so that accounts for some of the business. I also became certified in two more areas, English as a Second Language and Elementary General Education.

The next thing on my plate is seeing my little sis off to Officers' boot camp, as well as inservices and the start of school. These are not exciting things, so I believe I will throw something fun into the mix...

something fun, but cheap. or just fun, but I'd sell things on Craigslist to compensate. :-)
It's time to start planning, my favorite part!

Puerto Rico!

We're having a relaxing time in this undisclosed part of Puerto Rico. I have SO looked forward to the respite and rejuvenation between school years. Vacations are high on my list of blessings! More video and pics to come soon!